All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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