You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
