rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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