I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
