apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize