i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
