Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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