You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
