I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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