he was CRYING into my vagina
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
