Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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