i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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