So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
