the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
