im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
