If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
