I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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