I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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