I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
