Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
