Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
