dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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