come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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