I wish you could order shots online.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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