just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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