So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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