clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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