I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
