Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
