She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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