so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
