She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
