I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
