I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
