Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
