I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
