Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
