I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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