This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
