So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
