The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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