I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
