Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
