the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ketchup is God's man juice
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
