Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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