I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
