WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just forgot I was standing up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
