you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
