I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
