this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
