Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
