who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
accomplished twins. life is a go
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
