i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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