that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
