dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize