At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why can't burritos get me drunk
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
