I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
