I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
