i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
