dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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