just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
