So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
