He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
