Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
