then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
