my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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