If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize