Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
