It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize